Tract Dissections by Boolean Union Studios


Today's Candidate:


Mean Momma
© 2011 Jack Chick

Uploaded March 7th, 2013



She didn't think she needed God until she lost everything.

Page Index

Introduction
Cover | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21
Conclusion



"Mean Momma" is a tract who's main thrust seems to be "Fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge." To that end we encounter Petunia, the eponymous "Mean Momma" and her hell spawn crotch fruit who move back to her old hometown after the celebrated death of Petunia's father. After setting up shop the family begins to wreak holy havoc upon both the town and its inhabitants. The townspeople call upon their pastor "Sammy" Jones who knew Petunia in their youth in the hopes of getting her to back down. After telling Sammy where to shove it she declares she isn't afraid of God and won't change her ways. Almost immediately, all of her children die and her house is leveled by a tornado. She returns to Sammy begging for his help and he leads her to salvation. You know, believable.


Introduction
Jessica:

In the long list of reasons why Chick's tracts are implausible, somewhere near the top has got to be the fact that all of his characters are extreme stereotypes and strawmen for the causes they are meant to represent. Petunia is absolutely irredeemable before getting saved, Sammy can do no wrong, her children are violent little screws. These characters have NO depth whatsoever.

 

   
   
   

Cover  
   
   
   

Page 1 Eric:

Talk about depressing. Jack really loves his "Total Depravity" theology.

 

Sean:

No one came, and that is why I’m reading this eulogy out loud without an audience.

 

Jessica:

Who hired this guy, anyway?

 

   
   

Page 2
Eric:

I know bullying is kind of a big deal, but I wouldn't hold a grudge after, what? 20, maybe 30 years? I know some people who used to be total ***holes when going to school. Most of them turned into good people.

 

Sean:

Well if you cared so much about this guy, why not attend the funeral yourself? Or was “Breaking Bad” on that day?

 

Jessica:

Petunia. That is all.

 

   
   

Page 3 Eric:

Is this lady Jewish or something? That nose is terrifying.

 

Jessica:

"Do I have a caraway seed stuck under my bridge work?"

 

Sean:

Ohai Fang!

 

   
   
   

Page 4 Eric:

If some whackjob bitch threatened people with a gun in the real world, I'm pretty sure a SWAT team would take down her ass.

 

Sean:

Well considering that she’s not actually pointing the gun at him, (Jack Chick has no ability to draw depth) I think the law will let her walk.

 

Jessica:

Petunia Parker. THAT is all.

 

   

Page 5 Sean:

Whoa, look at the second panel. Petunia can clench her fist all around that shotgun! You know what they say about men women with big hands… 

 

Jessica:

...big gloves?

We only get a slight glance at her "house" here, but damn what a shithole.

 

   
   
   

Page 6 Eric:

You know, I'm surprised. Jack likes drawing his characters to look like trolls, goblins, and zombies. But this is a whole new level of hideous. You should really go into the macabre genre, Jack.

 

Sean:

I just noticed the sign in the background. Apparently this town is called “Happyville”. Why do I get the feeling that Jack is a big fan of “Pleasantville”? (The town, not the movie.)

 

   
   

Page 7 Eric:

Is it just me or does that kid look like a werewolf?

 

Sean:

I’m really confused, I thought only the sinless and unsaved were drawn hideously. These people seem pretty nice, and yet they look like they were run over by about five big rigs.

 

Jessica:

Try to take an honest count of how many people in this comic could actually fit their noses into their mouths should the need arise. Human faces don't work this way!

 

   

Page 8 Eric:

Then lock her up. If her and her kids are causing that big of a ruckus, beating people up and destroying private property, I think the sheriff could throw her in the slammer for a couple of weeks.

 

Jessica:

I know, right? She's not some bigwig in this town. She doesn't have diplomatic immunity or anything. Why are they putting up with this crap?

 

Sean:

Yeah, because a single White Trash family is enough to bring an entire police force to their knees. I mean come on! She’s got what appears to be an old 19th century shotgun, how can the police possibly compete with that when all they have is an armory full of riot gear and modern firearms?

 

   
   

Page 9 Eric:

I just realized something. Everyone in the town is Jewish.

 

Jessica:

The hairy, tattooed fellow who knows who can help has such a pronounced underbite I would question how he even chews his food.

 

Sean:

This town must operate on an honor system or something, because they seem to have no concept of law enforcement.

 

   
   
   

Page 10 Sean:

Looks like we’ve found Judge Barnstead’s long lost love child.

 

Eric:

Men of God? Don't even get me started on men of God.


The man on the lower right corner is no fool. He can smell a beating when it's coming.

 

   
   
   
   

Page 11 Eric:

"Stupid little Sammy" indeed.

 

Sean:

Huh… no wonder her father died. He was clearly living in yet another one of those haunted houses that seem to be plaguing the Chickverse.

 

   
   
   

Page 12 Eric:

Here we go again....

 

Jessica:

So if everyone who heard they were going to Hell became a preacher... what?

 

Sean:

I find it ironic that Chick is depicting hillbilly families as Godless heathens, when they make up the majority of his fanbase. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you.

 

Jessica:

Why doesn't anyone capitalize the word "hell?" It's a proper place name, right?

 

   

Page 13 Jessica:

Eh, nevermind I guess. They don't capitalize "heaven" either.

I wonder if this is an indication Chick doesn't believe these places actually exist?

 

Eric:

He died and arose the third day. Buddha meditated under a tree and defeated an army of demons. Krishna could turn into death itself. I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

 

Sean:

Indeed I do. Even compared to other religious figures, Jesus comes up pretty short.

 

   
   
   

Page 14 Eric:

Yeah. You have to be afraid to depart from evil. You know all those dictators? Kim Jong Il, Stalin, Pol Pot, etc. They had it right all along. You had to be afraid of being abducted by the secret police to do anything right.

 

Sean:

Because that’s the mark of a benevolent deity: terrifying the living shit out of your creations in exchange for eternal worship.

 

Jessica:

When you think about this from an objective standpoint Petunia's actions and motivations are closer to this God they keep discussing rather than "Stupid little Sammy" here.

 

   

Page 15 Eric:

I hope Jack decides to go into macabre. He really manages to be dramatic every now and then.

 

Sean:

Or… you could pray that she learns the error of her ways, and realizes the true value of compassion and love. You know, goodwill towards men and all that?

 

   
   

 

 

 

Page 16 Jessica:

That kid on the right is wearing a wifebeater. Jesus Christ...

 

Eric:

Was that a threat?

 

Sean:

93? Please, I doubt that hunk of junk could reach 23.

 

   
   
   

Page 17 Eric:

KABOOM!

 

Jessica:

Awww.... I was really hoping for a "YAAAAAAAAAA!"

 

Sean:

Huh… I didn’t know that they made pickup trucks out of C-4.

 

Jessica:

Why are they so upset by this? Seems like the dumb brat did them a favor.

 

   

Page 18 Eric:

LOL, LOL, LOL, LOL, LOL! This is hilarious. It's ridiculous.

 

Sean:

Austin didn’t seem to need much coercion to go off himself.

 

Jessica:

Well that's a might impulsive.

Though if I lived in this household, having Sesame Street preempted would be enough for me to start looking for some rope.

 

   
   

Page 19 Eric:

Why did you left your five year old alone to begin with? Why not just take him with you and leave him in the car for a few minutes?

 

Sean:

That’s an interesting skeletal structure the pharmacist has. He looks kinda like someone a white Grandad from the Boondocks, who had his face bashed flat by sledgehammers.

 

   
   

Page 20 Eric:

I think Jesus should be asking you for forgiveness.

 

Sean:

“He wants to save you, and only you, your kids can go to hell. Literally.”

 

Jessica:

"God's after me!!!!" He's the shark from Jaws or something.

 

   
   

Page 21 Eric:

You know, this tract will probably convince a bunch of other people to not convert to Christianity.

 

Jessica:

So she's put her faith in Christ and reconciled with Sammy's god. Her kids are still dead. Her house is still flattened. She's still hated and vilified in the town she lives in and she doesn't have a friend in the world. How is this an improvement? I guess this sentient lump of Crisco gets to go to (H)eaven now, which isn't really an improvement for everyone else if you ask me.

 

Sean:

So, what have we learned from this tract? God loves you, and if you do not accept him as your creator, he will murder your offspring until you do believe in him. All so you do not have to face the fires of Hell… which your unsaved Children are going to suffer through for all eternity. Lovely.

 

   
   

Conclusion
Eric:

Jack Chick scares me. Nobody with half a heart, or even brain, could write something like this.

 

Sean:

This was bad. Really really bad. I can’t even begin to count how many ways this tract violates common decency and morality. If this was meant to show us how much YHWH loves us, then it utterly failed, and he comes off as a petty, sadistic asshole. The only nice thing I can say about it, is that at least it wasn’t “Lisa”.

 

Jessica:

I know it's been pointed out before, but God as defined in these comics is like the worse kind of abusive partner. They love you and they want you to love them back, but if you don't, if you don't do what they say when they say it and to their complete satisfaction... if you don't afford them a healthy level of fear then they will kill your children, destroy your house and make you wish you were never even born. We set up shelters so people can escape situations like this and here we are actually reading propaganda promoting it. <smh>.

 

   

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Last Modified: December 22, 2013